


Living Without You

by AngelOfDinosaurs



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 15:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5252663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelOfDinosaurs/pseuds/AngelOfDinosaurs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is having a hard time coping after his long term girlfriend Sam is killed in a car accident everyone is worried about him. His mum sent him to a therapist who advised him to write a letter to Sam as some kind of closure. This is that letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Without You

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and it was originally posted on tumblr but I kinda wanted to post it here as well. I legitimately started crying when I wrote it even though I know it's pretty badly written. Also if you are sensitive to suicide I have to warn you that it might be triggering at the end.

Dear Sam,

I don’t know why I’m doing this but the therapist says it will help me ‘get better’. But I know it’s not going to work. Nothing he ever says helps. Nothing anyone ever does helps. But Mom’s worried and Dad’s got that look. You know the one filled with sympathy and the silent promise that he’ll be there for me. I just don’t want them to worry anymore.

It’s been 3 months 2 weeks and 3 days since you left. And I have felt every second of it. Every missed kiss. Ever cold night alone. Every 'I love you’ that will forever go unsaid. Every moment that we’ll never have again. I am left with only memories of what has happened and wondering what could have been if it didn’t happen that night.

If I didn’t bring you out to that cliff to watch the sun set. If I didn’t insist that everything would be okay cause it’s not. I can’t help but blame myself for what happened that night. If I had only pad more attention to the road maybe I would have seen the car headed towards us you would have been okay. Maybe if I had tried to swerve in the other direction you would still be alive. Maybe you would have made it out with only a scar like me.

Instead it took your life. It took my beautiful angel away from me and left me down here to try and face the rest of my life with out her. Without you. I will never see your cheeks flush red again when I tell you how beautiful you are or when I say something less than appropriate. I will never see your eyes tear up when Hazel reads her eulogy to Augustus in The Fault in our Stars again.After I read mine at your funeral I can’t stand to watch that movie anymore.

I won’t see the sparkle in your eye when you pull a prank on me or one of the boys again. I still remember the smile on your face when you dyed Ash’s hair bright pink and stole Mikey’s PS4 controller.

I just wish you were still here to tell me my lame jokes where cute. To tell me that I would be alright even though we both know I won’t be. I wish I could have you in my arms again. I wish I could hear your giggle one more time. I wish that we were never hit by that car…but I can’t change what’s already happened can I?

The guy who hit us, he came to see me. He apologized for what he’s done. For what he caused. Oh how I wish I could forgive him. I wish with all my heart I could find it in my heart to forgive the man who took you away from me. Who took the girl I wanted to marry away from me. You know I actually got an engagement ring to ask you. I even had your dad’s permission cause I wanted to do it right.

I was going to propose on Valentine's Day. I was going to take you to the park where we first met. You know under the tree overlooking the lake. I would have got down on one knee and asked you as the sun set. But it never happened. 

Instead on Valentine's Day I was standing beside your grave as they lowered you down into the hole where you will rest forever. Instead I spent Valentine's Day with your relatives as we talked about all the good times. About how you were such a happy person. About how you helped a lot of people through a tough time. About how you inspired so many people and didn’t even realize it.

I just wish I could find a way to live without you in my life for the sake of both my family and yours but I just can’t. I can’t imagine one more day without you on this earth with me.

I’ll see you soon.

I love you, Luke.


End file.
